I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
