he was CRYING into my vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
