Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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