I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
