Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
