he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
