I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
