Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
