It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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