forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I love you. Go after that dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
