He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
