This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
