she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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