Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
