I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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