i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
