To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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