I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
