from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I supernannyed him into submission
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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