And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
