You're completely useless in the revolution.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
