just come out here and I will go home with you...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
