Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You smell like stripper and shame
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
