My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
