I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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