I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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