why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you had me at cake vodka
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
