Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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