he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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