thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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