that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she pinky promised me she was 18
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
