On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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