She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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