you would pick up someone in the library
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
