broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
