just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
