I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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