the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
