once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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