i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize