I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can't special order awesome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
