a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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