Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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