Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
