My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
