and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
