everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
where are my eyebrows?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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