i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
