he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
