i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
