You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
