Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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