My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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