what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
