People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
