I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
