Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
