I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
