Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
