dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My pussy is not your playground.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
