trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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