Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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