You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
