Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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