Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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