Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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