I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
