In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
