Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
