The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
