Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
