An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
