He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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