Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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