I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
