She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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