So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
