we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
