I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you never un-have a 4some
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
