I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
