It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
