I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
