why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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