Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
