I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
