you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
