Her vagina should come with caution tape.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
