it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
