Kiss
Puke
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
