it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
