we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
