meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
