I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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